The Beast in the Attic

I was in Utah photographing a wedding when Candace called. "The air conditioner won't come on and I don't know what to do." I wasn't even going to catch a flight for three more days and I felt helpless. "I guess you'll need to call an air conditioning company to get it fixed." The weather in Houston had been unseasonably cool for several days and it looked like it would extend into the coming days. "I can just keep the windows open until you get back. It's still cool here," Candace proposed. It was settled for the time being.

My first item of business after dropping my bag on the bed was to climb into the attic to examine the furnace. I pulled the doors off and looked at the vents and the gas jets. Everything was clean and in good working condition, but the two green indicator lights were dark suggesting that there was no power reaching the unit. I followed the long yellow cable from the furnace up the heavy roof support and across to the junction box. The switch was in the on position and there was power to the only light globe in the large attic space. That wasn't the problem. I walked outside to look at the large condenser unit. The unit was in excellent condition. Everything looked normal. I checked the breakers and found them all intact. "We need to call an air conditioning company. I can't see what the problem is." It was a hard thing to admit that I couldn't solve the problem myself because I'd rather spend $600 on a new set of tools so that I could perform the repair than to spend $625 to hire a professional who actually knows what he's doing. That $25 is equivalent to eating lunch for a week and you wouldn't expect me to starve to death just for some cool, dry air now, would you?

Candace had talked to Ann, our neighbor, while I'd been in Utah and Ann had given her the name of a specialist who she liked and trusted. Candace gave me the number and told me to call. That was yet another slug in the gut to this heavy-hearted husband whose pride was on the very brink. I called.

The next afternoon, when I came home from work, the air conditioning was running and the house felt cool and dry. What a relief, and not a moment too soon. The temperature had climbed back into the 80's and it looked like warmer days were ahead. "What did he find?" I asked. Candace reached back on the kitchen counter and retrieved a bundle of wires. "He says it looks like we have animals chewing on the wires. He pulled the vent cover off and found that all of the foam insulation had been chewed through. He thinks we have mice or squirrels or even a racoon that's climbing the pipes into the attic. I'll call the pest control company and see if they can take care of it." Wow! The thought hadn't even crossed my mind that it might be a devilish little rodent!

That night as Candace and I lay in bed there came a sudden scratching above us in the ceiling! "Did you hear that?" "Huh? What? Did I hear what?" The scratching began again. "Hey! It's up there!" I listened for a while to the silence. Wham! My eyes jerked open and I know that I sat straight up in bed. Candace had banged the wall hard causing a small 3.0 earthquake in the bed. "I was just trying to shut it up." My heart pounded as my mind was spinning, still half asleep.

The next afternoon when I came home from work the pest control people had been in the attic looking for the beast. "They said that it's definitely not mice. It's something much bigger. They said that for $69 they'll set a trap in the attic and catch it." My pride was returning as the thought of trapping the animal grew in my head. "No. For $69 I can build a dozen traps. I'll take care of this." Candace challenged me. "What makes you think that you can trap whatever it is?" I was ready for this one. "When I was in high school I built a trap for squirrels. I actually caught a few."

The next morning I stopped at Wal-Mart to buy the one component that I'd need--a mouse trap. I wouldn't use the trap to catch the animal, but to trigger the door release. I'd show that crazed, rabid pest who's the man! Back at home I waded through the knee-deep assembly of bicycles, swimming floats and umbrellas to get to my stash of scrap lumber. I chose three pieces of pine that would do nicely and waded back to my work bench. I measured and cut and drilled and stapled and hammered. I was a genius! "Are you sure that door is big enough?" Candace was back to challenge my omniscience. "I know what I'm doing," was all I needed to say. I tied a piece of cheese and a slice of apple to the bait string, set the mouse trap trigger and left it in the darkness of the attic.

About ten minutes later there was a loud "SNAP!" from above us and I hurried up the ladder into the attic to see my trophy. The apple and cheese swung quietly from side to side on their string. The wooden door was closed. The trap was empty. "I don't think that door is big enough." Candace was determined to be right about the door size. "A squirrel can get through that door. I've done this before." Her next question was the one that I wasn't prepared for. "What if it's not a squirrel?" What was she talking about? Not a squirrel? What else could squeeze through that tiny hole in the vent? I wondered. The seed of doubt was creeping in. Maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am. I laughed the question off. "Yeah. It's probably Cujo in the attic with glowing red eyes." Jeez! Did I just say that? I was creeping myself out.

That night the scratching was back. And to make it even worse, the grandkids heard something stalking around in the attic above them. We were all starting to get the creepy skin crawlers. The next morning I checked the trap. Empty. "Maybe you need to make the door bigger." I couldn't even reply. My pride prevented me. But, of course, I brought the trap back to the work bench and revised the trap by making the door bigger. In the course of making the complex repair I had an epiphany. I could improve the trigger by removing the mouse trap and running a string directly from the bait to a small nail that held the heavy door open. I tested it. A light tug on the bait brought the door slamming down on my arm. "Gotcha!" I thought as a warrior's grin crept across my face. I strung the bait line with a piece of cheese and a bit of cold hot dog. "If it's Cujo, he's going to need some raw meat." The thought sent an icy shiver down my legs.

I didn't hear any noise up in the attic all afternoon and I concluded that my trap wasn't going to work but decided to check it anyway. I climbed the ladder and shined my flashlight at the trap. "Holy crap! I've caught a huge rat!" The furry monster was nearly as big as the trap! The door was closed and all I could see was the dark, hairy hump of its back and the long slender tail. "Hey, big guy! Looks like you got caught." I spoke in low tones, trying not to scare the ugly thing. It turned to look at me, it's triangular white face contrasting sharply with the dark gray fur. "A possum!" When it turned and made eye contact with me it hunched its back even more and let out a gutteral hissing noise that reminded me of a giant snake. "Whoah! I'm not messing with you!" Its teeth were bared and bloody from attempting to chew through the wire and into freedom. I even expected to see the tiny eyes glowing red as I pulled on a pair of heavy leather gloves and gently lifted the trap down the ladder, keeping it safely away from my body and arms.

Candace was right. Of course she was right. My door hadn't been big enough.

I took Cujo out to a stand of trees a distance from the house and opened the trap. It poked its head out slowly at first, then silently scurried into the darkness of the cool Tomball evening.