Cool Tile Floor

My day didn't start out well on Wednesday. Actually, the night before didn't start out that well, either. The window by the bed was open to let the fresh, cold air into the room. Buddy was curled up right in front of the crack where the cold air would rush in on his huge frame. It's Buddy's favorite spot when the nights are brisk. But the cold air was making it hard for me to fall asleep. My toes were freezing! I drummed up enough courage to throw the covers off for just enough time to get myself to the closet to retrieve my heavy winter down comforter. Candace doesn't like the comforter because it makes her too hot, so I folded it in half and tucked the edge into the foot of my side of the bed. The warmth was immediately noticeable as I slipped deep under the weightless covers and turned on my side for a wonderful rest.

I fell asleep quickly and I don't think that I moved for the rest of the night. My next conscious thought brought me into a brightening day and the fact that I needed to take care of my morning business. I threw the covers back and began to roll out of bed when I was suddenly and violently slammed by a horrible cramp in my left calf. “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” was all I could let out of my mouth without using any objectionable language that early in the morning. I rolled to my other side, trying to realign my spine just enough to ease the pressure on the nerves. The cramp slowly subsided and I was finally able to step out onto the cold carpet and stretch out my aching muscle.

I limped to the bathroom feeling just a little bit light-headed and wondering what could be going on. I sat down for a moment to try and get myself stabilized but the dizziness worsened. “Am I about to die?” I wondered. “Is this what it feels like just before slipping into the next life?” I asked. The answer didn't come. I woke up lying flat on my back on the bathroom floor. Annie was licking my toes in an effort to wake me up. The tile floor felt cool against my back and I began thinking through a slow, deliberate self-examination. My head didn't hurt, so I must not have smacked it on the hard floor. All of my fingers and toes were wiggling, so there must not be any serious nerve damage. What had just happened? Annie continued to lick my toes and as my eyes finally opened her tail started to wag.

I lay there for a few minutes, feeling the cool tiles on my back and shoulders. Annie trotted out of the bathroom. Finally, I sat up and worked my way to my feet. The dizziness was gone as I walked back into the bedroom. “Where have you been?” came from under a hump in the covers. “I didn't know where you went. Where have you been?” I was a little embarrassed and just a little bit concerned as I told Candace, “I just found myself lying on the bathroom floor and I don't know how I got there.” The covers exploded away from her face and she looked at me with horror in her eyes. “Well, obviously you passed out!”

The same thing happened to me several years ago. I had laid down wearing my sweats and pulled a blanket over myself to get warm in front of the television set. I fell asleep there and when I woke up I felt extremely warm. I remember walking up the stairs but then found myself lying in a heap on the floor in the hallway. The doctor hadn't been able to find anything wrong with me and it didn't ever happen again, and so I just forgot about the whole incident. “I think I must have overheated. I think that's what must have happened the last time I passed out, too.” Candace wasn't consoled.

I hope that's all there is to it.

The Beast in the Attic

I was in Utah photographing a wedding when Candace called. "The air conditioner won't come on and I don't know what to do." I wasn't even going to catch a flight for three more days and I felt helpless. "I guess you'll need to call an air conditioning company to get it fixed." The weather in Houston had been unseasonably cool for several days and it looked like it would extend into the coming days. "I can just keep the windows open until you get back. It's still cool here," Candace proposed. It was settled for the time being.

My first item of business after dropping my bag on the bed was to climb into the attic to examine the furnace. I pulled the doors off and looked at the vents and the gas jets. Everything was clean and in good working condition, but the two green indicator lights were dark suggesting that there was no power reaching the unit. I followed the long yellow cable from the furnace up the heavy roof support and across to the junction box. The switch was in the on position and there was power to the only light globe in the large attic space. That wasn't the problem. I walked outside to look at the large condenser unit. The unit was in excellent condition. Everything looked normal. I checked the breakers and found them all intact. "We need to call an air conditioning company. I can't see what the problem is." It was a hard thing to admit that I couldn't solve the problem myself because I'd rather spend $600 on a new set of tools so that I could perform the repair than to spend $625 to hire a professional who actually knows what he's doing. That $25 is equivalent to eating lunch for a week and you wouldn't expect me to starve to death just for some cool, dry air now, would you?

Candace had talked to Ann, our neighbor, while I'd been in Utah and Ann had given her the name of a specialist who she liked and trusted. Candace gave me the number and told me to call. That was yet another slug in the gut to this heavy-hearted husband whose pride was on the very brink. I called.

The next afternoon, when I came home from work, the air conditioning was running and the house felt cool and dry. What a relief, and not a moment too soon. The temperature had climbed back into the 80's and it looked like warmer days were ahead. "What did he find?" I asked. Candace reached back on the kitchen counter and retrieved a bundle of wires. "He says it looks like we have animals chewing on the wires. He pulled the vent cover off and found that all of the foam insulation had been chewed through. He thinks we have mice or squirrels or even a racoon that's climbing the pipes into the attic. I'll call the pest control company and see if they can take care of it." Wow! The thought hadn't even crossed my mind that it might be a devilish little rodent!

That night as Candace and I lay in bed there came a sudden scratching above us in the ceiling! "Did you hear that?" "Huh? What? Did I hear what?" The scratching began again. "Hey! It's up there!" I listened for a while to the silence. Wham! My eyes jerked open and I know that I sat straight up in bed. Candace had banged the wall hard causing a small 3.0 earthquake in the bed. "I was just trying to shut it up." My heart pounded as my mind was spinning, still half asleep.

The next afternoon when I came home from work the pest control people had been in the attic looking for the beast. "They said that it's definitely not mice. It's something much bigger. They said that for $69 they'll set a trap in the attic and catch it." My pride was returning as the thought of trapping the animal grew in my head. "No. For $69 I can build a dozen traps. I'll take care of this." Candace challenged me. "What makes you think that you can trap whatever it is?" I was ready for this one. "When I was in high school I built a trap for squirrels. I actually caught a few."

The next morning I stopped at Wal-Mart to buy the one component that I'd need--a mouse trap. I wouldn't use the trap to catch the animal, but to trigger the door release. I'd show that crazed, rabid pest who's the man! Back at home I waded through the knee-deep assembly of bicycles, swimming floats and umbrellas to get to my stash of scrap lumber. I chose three pieces of pine that would do nicely and waded back to my work bench. I measured and cut and drilled and stapled and hammered. I was a genius! "Are you sure that door is big enough?" Candace was back to challenge my omniscience. "I know what I'm doing," was all I needed to say. I tied a piece of cheese and a slice of apple to the bait string, set the mouse trap trigger and left it in the darkness of the attic.

About ten minutes later there was a loud "SNAP!" from above us and I hurried up the ladder into the attic to see my trophy. The apple and cheese swung quietly from side to side on their string. The wooden door was closed. The trap was empty. "I don't think that door is big enough." Candace was determined to be right about the door size. "A squirrel can get through that door. I've done this before." Her next question was the one that I wasn't prepared for. "What if it's not a squirrel?" What was she talking about? Not a squirrel? What else could squeeze through that tiny hole in the vent? I wondered. The seed of doubt was creeping in. Maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am. I laughed the question off. "Yeah. It's probably Cujo in the attic with glowing red eyes." Jeez! Did I just say that? I was creeping myself out.

That night the scratching was back. And to make it even worse, the grandkids heard something stalking around in the attic above them. We were all starting to get the creepy skin crawlers. The next morning I checked the trap. Empty. "Maybe you need to make the door bigger." I couldn't even reply. My pride prevented me. But, of course, I brought the trap back to the work bench and revised the trap by making the door bigger. In the course of making the complex repair I had an epiphany. I could improve the trigger by removing the mouse trap and running a string directly from the bait to a small nail that held the heavy door open. I tested it. A light tug on the bait brought the door slamming down on my arm. "Gotcha!" I thought as a warrior's grin crept across my face. I strung the bait line with a piece of cheese and a bit of cold hot dog. "If it's Cujo, he's going to need some raw meat." The thought sent an icy shiver down my legs.

I didn't hear any noise up in the attic all afternoon and I concluded that my trap wasn't going to work but decided to check it anyway. I climbed the ladder and shined my flashlight at the trap. "Holy crap! I've caught a huge rat!" The furry monster was nearly as big as the trap! The door was closed and all I could see was the dark, hairy hump of its back and the long slender tail. "Hey, big guy! Looks like you got caught." I spoke in low tones, trying not to scare the ugly thing. It turned to look at me, it's triangular white face contrasting sharply with the dark gray fur. "A possum!" When it turned and made eye contact with me it hunched its back even more and let out a gutteral hissing noise that reminded me of a giant snake. "Whoah! I'm not messing with you!" Its teeth were bared and bloody from attempting to chew through the wire and into freedom. I even expected to see the tiny eyes glowing red as I pulled on a pair of heavy leather gloves and gently lifted the trap down the ladder, keeping it safely away from my body and arms.

Candace was right. Of course she was right. My door hadn't been big enough.

I took Cujo out to a stand of trees a distance from the house and opened the trap. It poked its head out slowly at first, then silently scurried into the darkness of the cool Tomball evening.

No more chain of command

Things moved on quietly for a few days, though tension could be felt within the office environment as Grumpy, Lumpy and Bling came and went. Something was clearly not right, but no one was talking to me. On June 11^th the Bling monster reared its head again, though, and the tension was beginning to spread to the SCW’s in the office.

Aslam was trying to keep up with his inspections of the Porta-Johns during the daytime and would go out with Chitrah to get them done. On that Thursday afternoon, though, Bling stopped Aslam before he could go out the door. “You’re just office help. You don’t do inspections. You stay here and do your job.” Aslam was confused. He’d been ordered by Maxx to do the inspections and it had been his job since Indika had gone home. Bling wasn’t even his boss, but the orders were coming from everywhere these days. There didn’t seem to be a chain of command anymore.

I pulled Bling aside that evening and explained to him that Maxx and I expected Aslam to inspect at least 180 Porta-Johns each day in order to stay on top of their maintenance. Bling didn’t say much but he agreed to let Aslam do his job.

On Friday morning Chitrah came in complaining that Bling was trying to pull him off the job in order to clean buses at the main bus stop. It wasn’t Bling’s job to keep the buses clean and it wasn’t within his power to pull people from their jobs. I stopped him before lunch and told him that he couldn’t just pull people from their assigned duties without a little bit of planning. Again, Bling stayed silent but he didn’t try to exert his assumed authority again while I was there.

That night was going to be my last restful sleep for several months because life was about to pull me in a new direction that I wasn’t prepared for at all.